How to Make Drugs Boring, In Five Simple Steps

Politicians and law enforcement have used many tactics to fight the war on drugs, but they have been frustrated at every turn. Arresting users doesn't stop people from using drugs. Eradicating crops and labs doesn't end the supply. DARE campaigns don't persuade kids to stay away from drugs in the first place.

So far, the war on drugs is a massive, frustrating, expensive flop.

But there is a weapon more persuasive than any DARE campaign, more devastating than any crop-eradication program, more of a deterrent than even the most fearsome prison. It's the powerful psychological weapon of making drugs boring, and it could win the war on drugs overnight.

Here's how it can happen, in five simple steps.

1. Make It Impossible For Outlaws and Rebels to Show Off With Drugs.

This is the Easy Rider argument, also known as the Young Jeezy argument. Dennis Hopper and Peter Fonda in Easy Rider personified an outlaw spirit, in part because they were smuggling drugs in the gas tanks of their motorcylces. Drugs, because they were illegal and part of a lawless underworld, were a great way for Hopper and Fonda to express their rebellious nature. Similarly, Young Jeezy has had a massive hit with his record "Let's Get It: Thug Motivation" in part because of his claim to be the "snowman" -- i.e., a cocaine dealer. Just like Hopper and Fonda, Young Jeezy draws cultural cachet from the opportunity to side with the outlaws through references to drugs.

How do you make all these cool drug references boring? By decriminalizing drugs. Once that happens, it stops being fun and interesting to smuggle drugs in your gas tank or to refer to them cryptically in your lyrics. That's why nobody boasts about being a Tylenol dealer, why nobody develops secret slang words to talk about flouride rinse or cholesterol medication. If anybody can have access to drugs, then drugs just aren't very cool. In fact, they're boring.

Young Jeezy. Cool.

Easy Rider. Also Cool.

Tylenol. Boring.

 

2. Acknowledge and Exploit the Commercial Medical Potential of Drugs.

Picture a rebellious teenage guy saying to himself "I really want to take some glaucoma medication!" Picture a rock star singing the following line in a song: "I want to take medicine that helps me deal with terminal colon cancer." It's tough to do, because these applications of marijuana and ecstasy, respectively, are boring. They may be enormously valuable to individuals suffering from serious illness, but helping sick people is not cool and rebellious. Or even if it's sort of cool when it's done in the context of a medical marijuana collective, it really just would not be cool if it took place in an actual hospital. There is nothing cool about hospitals or sick people, which is why Young Jeezy does not rap about them and why Easy Rider was not about a pair of wild and crazy oncologists. 

A Cancer Patient. Boring.

3. Package Drugs in a Dorky Box Covered With Legal Mumbo Jumbo and Warnings from the Surgeon General.

This one is guaranteed to ruin at least half the fun for most drug users. Rather than getting their drugs delivered in exciting scented FedEx packages, dime bags, crack vials and human intestines, force people to buy drugs on the open market, which will quickly gravitate to the type of boring packaging used for every other product in the world. In most cases, drugs will have to come in a tedious little box that will be covered with tiny legal disclaimers. The packaging will have to have an irritating child-proof cap and warnings from the surgeon general that the users will ignore. In short, people who are using recreational drugs to self-medicate and get through the day will be forced to confront the rather sad reality of what they are actually doing, and people who are trying to have a wild and crazy time will be frustrated by how totally non-experimental the whole experience is. It just won't be nearly as cool.

Crack Vials. Cool.

Brick of Hash. Cool.

Child Proof Cap. Totally Boring.

4. Tell People What Will Actually Happen If They Take Drugs

Would you sit through a whole football game or an episode of American Idol if you already knew how it was going to come out? Well, some people might if they had a big bag of chips to eat, but a lot of people would find that really boring. The drama is deflated when you know the outcome in advance. It can work the same way with drugs, which will ruin most of the fun. If mysterious, metaphorical ad campaigns that compared drug use to scrambling an egg were replaced by detailed descriptions of what effects drugs actually produce, how long their effects last, possible health risks, and so forth, it would be a heck of a lot harder to have any kind of drug adventure at all. You would know what was going to happen before you even started, which is not interesting. And if drugs were produced in a way that kept their quality and potency uniform over time, taking a regular dose of some now-exotic drug like cocaine or methamphetamine might not be so risky. It might be like drinking a six pack of Miller Lite, which is not sexy or chic. Miller Lite is boring.

Anti-Methamphetamine Advertisement. Spooky + Juvenile + Intriguing = Cool.

Pfizer Web Page Describing Possible Xanax Side Effects. Informative + Non-Scary = Boring.

(click thumbnail to enlarge)

5. Two Words: Lawsuits and Taxes

There is no more powerful system in the world for making products boring than the American system of civil litigation. Our lawsuits have helped us win the war against lawn darts and the war against the Ford Pinto, not to mention the wars against spontaneity, innovation and risk. And as tough as the drug menace may seem, lawsuits can help us win the war against that too. Civil liability will ensure that the companies that get into the business of manufacturing recreational drugs will have to be just as timid as the cigarette companies that have been forced to launch expensive ad campaigns to persuade people not to use their products and the alcohol companies that are constantly trying to make sure they don't make alcohol seem like too much fun. Lawsuits will force drug dealers to grapple with the same tedious financial realities, like insurance, that burden the rest of the business world and will promote comprehensive boringness in every aspect of the way drugs are produced, advertised and sold. Taxing drug dealers will also work wonders in converting their carefree lifestyles into the type of sedate, fiscally responsible behavior that we expect out of upstanding citizens. Once they start worrying more about depreciation and amortization than about getting killed by their competitors, their general vibe of rebelliousness will be very difficult to maintain.

Scarface: Cool

Taxes for Dummies: Boring

 

In short, America is missing out on an a golden opportunity to capitalize on the power of boredom. We have been losing the war on drugs for far too long because many of the tactics we use have the perverse effect of making drugs seem really interesting, rebellious and unusual, thereby increasing their appeal to precisely the audience that is most likely to want to use drugs in the first place. But it doesn't have to be that way. Drugs don't have to be fun. They can be boring as hell. We can make them that way. All it takes is a little American ingenuity and know-how, and a whole lot of regulation.

Update: Even though the tone of this piece is a little bit tongue-in-cheek, the "make drugs boring" strategy is actually working to change attitudes toward heroin use in Switzerland and has helped to cut heroin use dramatically in that country.

Update 2: This post is the jumping-off point for some other posts that explore the same ideas in more detail. A post on the possibilities for "recreational use" drug labels is here, and a discussion of imposing tort liability on negligent manufacturers of illegal drugs is here. California's move to tax sales of medical marijuana is noted here, and some proposals for what it might mean to run a "boring" medical marijuana dispensary are here.
 

Comments

[thehim]

Very, very, nice. I'm glad I found this site.

[Matt Nazareth]

The culture around drug use is probably the biggest factor that determines drug consumption. So, if that culture changed, so would consumption. However, legalizing the currently illicit drugs would not change the culture. The fun of drugs is not solely because it's rebellious. Almost every known culture has used pyschoactives, even before they were stigmatized and banned. Also, alcohol, cigarettes, and prescription drugs, despite their legality, are widely abused. Your strategy of boredom may make things better overall by reducing the side effects of the war on drugs, but I find it hard to believe that consumption would actually decrease.

[Christian Peper]

I say stop paying income taxes. Why support this gov.

[Christian Peper]

I enjoy planting pot plants in the park because it turns cops into weed pickers. I love to think of abusive cops picking weeds. Overgrow the gov! Christian Peper (The Freedom Preacher)

[Clayton Brooks]

All I can say to this is "Thank You".

[Paul Sheppard]

I am not to sure that it will work and think that there will be alot of people trying drugs and most likly getting hooked on coke or opids so if you relly pull this in to action I think that the world would soon be to fucked up to make any think in it better.

[Arica]

I dont know think about addicts withdrawls and all that stuff

[canabisseed]

yah!!! that really appreciating post that nice...

[kalantir]

This is the stupidest thing ive ever heard of... Making drugs "boring" wont do anything. All this does is make drugs commonly available to anyone who wants them. So by all means, go ahead, Id rather enjoy being able to legally buy my drugs from a pharmacy rather then risk going to jail to get high. Either way, no matter how "boring" you try to make them seem, that'll all go out the window when the user actually becomes intoxicated.

[Erica]

I think he has hit the nail on the head...obviously there would still be abusers just like there are lots of drunks but at least you would get rid of the criminal element and earn lots of tax money in the process.

[michaeljbuchman@walla.com]

I've often thought that the obverse may be true also i.e. make otherwise healthy and wholesome activities, be it yoga, jogging, meditation, football or whatever ILLEGAL and I'm sure that suddenly we would have clandestine yoga, jogging ect. going on in hidden locations everywhere. what a boon for yoga, medtation instuctors and football coaches ect. everywhere! that is as long as they don't get caught! LOL

[Kai]

Yes drugs are quite often Glamourised but i think your forgetting one simple thing.
That one thing is the FUN of it, alot of the people dont take drugs because "their cool" but because they make them feel cool, and anything which can do that by simply inhaling deeply is gunna sell.

[tiff]

hey i wish some one told me drugs were boring before i started them and realized how being addicted to methadone is destroying my marriage and mmy life

[selva]

wow very nice blog,very much informative!!!! why don't the government take proper action to stop the drugs,and make some proper test to the addicted people..

[Nick Rattlehead]

I don't know if making all drugs legal would decrease drug abuse. Walking down to your local pharmacy to legally pick up a dime bag would be a whole lot more convenient than risking jail time. Driving to the Raley's twelve blocks from home to get coke would be easier than crossing the bridge to buy it in the inner city. Of course making drugs more easily acessible would make the process of purchasing them less exciting but drugs will continue to sell because people want to get high. However, if drugs were being sold by pharmacists and store clerks rather than dealers and gang members street violence would definitley decrease and the world would be a safer place because of it. Also, I fully agree with what the article said about anti drug advertisement. Making vauge illussions about why drug abuse is like a cracked egg only makes drugs seem more exciting, telling kids that meth is made with rat poison and makes your teeth rot out provides facts and reasons not to consume.

[Sparky]

The main function of the WoD is to advertise and promote drugs. Don't you think the geniuses behind it all know by now that their approach isn't solving the world's drug problem? Regardless of how dumb they look, they're really not.

For instance, teen marijuana use had actually been tapering off prior to the early 80s. That's when Nancy Reagan visited a youth mistreatment program called Straight, Inc. Then, the "Just say no" era began. Teen pot use rose steadily thereafter... until Prop. 215. Those now connected to the original Straight Circle include the Bush family and their drug czars. They're scared to death of losing the evil Green Goblin as a mascot, and subsequently losing the major source of victims to save.

The people behind this mess got in the business, not to solve the problem itself, but to save kids from a certain future of being "dead, insane, or in jail". Without those perceived consequences, their crusade has no purpose.

Yes, I'm saying that the people who think up these strategies are promoting drugs, and they know it. That's the kind of thing that happens to people after they decide to use torture on American kids in order to "save" them.

[Safest User]

First off I would like to say that I have done my fair share of drugs. Having said that I need you to realize that what you are saying about this is insane. Even if you try to make drugs seem booring to kids they will probably try them anyway. Think about it if you make every drug available over the counter to anyone you will have every kid in America with full acess to dangerous drugs. Think about what will happen to little johny friedmen when he wants to try drugs but knows nothing about them, he will walk into CVS with a twenty and walk out with a bottle of meth. booring or not once he tries it he will most likley be addicted. Cocaine is the most addictive substance known to man. Even if he was to not become addicted he might overdose. now I'm not saying that all drugs are bad MMMkay A little pot never hurt anyone But think of what will happen to theese kids if they have noone to tell them what is going to happen to them while there on drugs? They will have complete access. When They take acid and get pissed off They will probably be inconsolable and kill themmselfs simply because they have no idea that it wil go away in six hours. The bottom line is this: people use drugs because drugs are fun to use Tylonol is booring because it dosen't get you high, but when you mix the the sleep aid in Tylonol PM, Diephenhydramine hydrochloride with a little morphine or other opiate kids are all over it they call it cheese. Kids drink whole bottles of nyqil because it gets them high if they read the label they would know that it is destroying their liver, But they don't care about the government or company fine print, THEY WANT TO GET HIGH. I would caution you to use the drugs you plan to make legal before you actualy do it. because even though I like to do some drugs some of the time I know for a fact that theese drugs are dangerous and you need to know very much about them before, during, and after you do them.

[sparky]

Dude seriously I know you work for a lawfirm so you probably get drug tested all the time, but I need you to do somthing for me. Take a week off work. On monday use cocaine. On tuesday smoke some methanfetamine. on wensday shoot some heroin. on thursday try ecstacy, and on friday take two grams of magic mushrooms and drop two hits of LSD alone. Sleep it off on the weekend, then on monday take a look at what you wrote at the top of the screen.

[Alex]

Just to respond briefly to "Safest User," above: I certainly don't suggest that it would make sense to "make every drug available over the counter to anyone" or to give kids "full access to dangerous drugs." Instead, I think it would make sense for some drugs (such as marijuana, cocaine, ecstasy, and hallucinogens) to use essentially the regulatory system we have set up for alcohol. That is, once you're a certain age, you're allowed to purchase and use them as long as you don't act like a fool about it. For more dangerous and intense drugs, I think it would make sense to allow people to use them in safe, supervised settings, much like they do in the "safe injection facilities" of Switzerland that I mention right at the end of the post. The broader point is that it's time to start thinking of alternatives to the status quo. That status quo is filling up our prisons at a ridiculous rate, and drugs are still available all over America. It's time to change.

[Safest User]

Okay mabe I was a little hasty. The thing I want you to understand is that drugs are not always dangerous because of their toxicity. First off Making Cocaine Legal would be very dangerous. Cocaine is the most addictive substance there is, and when combined with other drugs in the body such as alchohol it can become deadly in extreemly minute quantity, and kills heart tissue on contact. I was at a party with my friends one night not knowing fully the dangers of this drug and used a sixteenth of an ounce of cocaine, not a large quantity by any measure. After witch I had about three shots of 35 proof alchohol. shortly thereafter the methylcocanol went to work in my system and had me face up on the concrete babbling about how I did not want to fight. I thought my best friend had hit me. As far as the marijuana goes I feel you are right but parents of theese people need to be involved at a younger age. as far as Ecstacy goes it is not a far cry from methamfetamine. In fact the MA in MDMA stands for methamfetamine, and it 's chemical composition is strikingly similar. This one is not to be played with lightly either. The danger I see most in your plan to ledalize theese drugs is the halucenogens. Having said that I would enjoy halucenogens from time to time were I not on probation for felony marijuana possession, (I live in Arizona) but theese drugs are my most feared simply because of the power they have over your mind while you are on them. I have taken musshrooms, acid, DMT, And Mescaline and I will tell you this if someone using theese powerful mind altering substances makes a slight error they could very easily loose their life. If they get upset, if they ar in an unfamiliar setting, or even somthing so slight as music they hear and don't enjoy will set them off. Things that are not real to you and I start attacking theese people Skulls, the grim reaper, figures emerging from walls to steal their soul. they sound rediculos I know, but to someone under the influence they are as real as the air we breathe. When LSD 25 was first synthesised by the US govornment in the 50's the cia used it as a mind control drug and a truth serum. Not because it will make someone divulge information against there will but because it has a power over the mind that borders on inconcievable, it is easy to dose someone with acid without there knowlege. Once a person who was beleived to have key knowlege was tripping they would terrorize them until the bad trip set in, aggressivley interrogate them and if the information was not given they would dose them continually without allowing them to sober up until there mind had no more capacity than that of a newborn. Having had a bad trip I assure you this is somewhat as terrifying as hell itsef. I have seen people on the floor curled in the fetal position for hours unable to console them, and yet forcet to cradle them to prevent there assured suicide had I not been on scene. When the CIA had to test the drug that they developed on random people in social situations they did so without their knowlege, this activity was codenamed project MK-ULTRA. I site Dr. Frank Olsen as evidence he was dosed while working in a hi-rise building, against his knowlege. He jumped out of a window and died. I doubt sincerly he even knew what was going on. I don't mean to be a jerk, insult your intellegencee, or criticise you for trying to change a broken system, but I see things like this and it scares me what legislators might do. as far as the criminal system being flawed and needing urgent change you are right. I was caught smoking marijuana and I am now a felon on probation for 18 months forcet to urinate into a gas chromatograph mass spectrometor witch the taxpayers payed for, more than half the people in this country in prison, jail, on parole, or on probation are there charged criminally with drugs. The original document to the constitution of the united states clearly defined the right of Americans to ingest whatever they want, there are more than fifteen smoke shops within fifteen miles of my house that the state and feds make sales tax money from. Court fines and probation fees are more than uncle sam can resist. I can walk into Blaze and buy A four foot waterpipe without any issues of legality, tell me who uses a four foot waterpipe to smoke tobbaco? the govornment is facilitating the use of drugs while at the same time criminaly prosecuting users because they make money from it. The Regan war on drugs was the worst because it tought kids that all drugs are equaly dangerous. Making drugs seem booring is a noble cause but the bottom line is that there not. what we I think needs to be done is teach our children about drugs. Teach people what drugs will actually do to them before during and after use. Not the govornments mundane cautionary statments but all spectrum of experience should be taught by those who have experienced it. To educate is the only way regulate drugs. look I know I have said a mouthful, and hope I have not taken too much of your time but if you read this I hope it has better demonstrated my point of view to you, and should you so choose I would very much like to hear what you think.

[Tom]

It's alright people!
Cannabis is not a drug, and therefore cannot be linked to this whole article!

[recoveryjunkie]

this is the craziest thing i have ever heard... i am a recovering heroin addict and i never did drugs because they were "cool" i did it because i am an addict and addiction is a disease people, .. not a choice.... who the hell would choose to be a heroin addict because it is cool? is it cool to be homeless... look like death...withdrawl when you cant get a fix... lose your children, family, house, car, etc.... possibly contract HIV or HepC... or just die of an overdose... i don't think that is very cool... boring or cool has nothing to do with it ... ADDICTION IS A DISEASE and it doesnt matter if drugs are cool or boring... addicts will still be born in our country every day!!!!

[James]

was this supposed to be taken as a joke? i'm unsure.
I take drugs for the effects, not to make me a rebel. i dont know if this article was refering to any particular drugs, but if LSD suddenly became readily availible that would be amazing. you would actually be doing the majority of drug users a favour, by making these drugs availible.
and the health warnings that you talk of are completley one sided, and some of them are quite frankly just talking rubbish.

[misteriousmistery]

that is soooo gay if you are gonna make drugs boring its too late it is boring its stupid!! it would be nice to be a clean world though but like that would ever happen! seriously how many people do you think will go on with no drugs?? nobody really! i can though i never did drugs and most likely never will!! when i get older and right now im 16 i want to be somebody not no low life kind of people! if you even try gettin people to stop drugs once you turn around they would be doing it again! so seriously think about it who would listen to that law?? i know a lot of people who got busted doin drugs and once they got out of whatever they started doing it again!!!

[nbh]

I agree whole heartedly with the proposition. New customers - kids - wont be attracted by dull and boring packaging. Those dull off-cream colored cigaratte packages in countries with a state monopoly of tobaco come to mind.